Deep Breaths

Today is one of those days where my prayer to God is, "Please just give me something. A sign. A piece of good news. Something." We all have those days now and again. There is not a whole lot really extremely dramatic going on, but sometimes the worst of times seem to be when there are a lot of little things going on that by themselves seem to be insignificant, but together can tear a person down. This would be the perfect time for a vacation. But who has the time or the money? Certainly not with all of these things weighing down on me currently.


A vacation would be running from my problems, I know, but sometimes it seems like the most enticing option. Is running from our problems really all that wrong? I know never dealing with something is not productive, but what about just getting away from them for a while? I don't see the harm in that. Sometimes it takes stepping back from a problem for a while in order to really have the right perspective to see its solution.


I wonder the value in being taught to face our problems head on and tackle them as soon as they arise. Is this what God intended? The mental health market in the U.S.is absolutely insane (pun intended) right now, largely due with people needing an immediate fix to their problems.(Not saying there is not value in psychiatric help of those who need it). We are taught to deal with it and deal with it now. This verse highlights a little of what I mean:


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
Is essence, is Christ not telling us to rely on him and that he wants to give us rest? I am well aware that we have to do our part in mending the problems in our lives, but I also believe there is value in rest. The Bible goes on and on about rest and how it has tremendous value in our lives. Maybe sometimes we just need to let problems be and stop trying to fix everything on our own.


"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34


So for the problems I have going on right now, I am taking a moment. Taking time to find out the direction in which God wants to lead me in these areas. Relying on God because that should be the first action taken in any problem. Because today has problems, tomorrow will have problems. People will be human and ruin your day. So take a breath, rest in God, and gain a new perspective. And if anyone wants to take me on vacation to somewhere tropical, my bags are packed. ;)

Self-Destructive Generation

This blog is kind of heavy, but I don't claim to have all the answers and figure I can share with you all what's heavy on my heart currently. 

I am struggling.  Struggling in the battle against my want to be accepting and my desire for what is right. Struggling to decide what to choose in the choice between letting things out of my control just “be” or refusing to accept reality. God has called me to love and I try to do that without restraint, but love is not always that easy when it comes to loving in situations of endemic selfishness and injustice.

It seems that the older I get, the more I become aware and overwhelmed by the injustice and apathy occurring around me, so much so that it makes me sick to think about. I am not sure if this realization is a product of wisdom or more one of the growing disease of selfishness that is plaguing the current 20-30 something generation. Myself being in this generation, do not intend to discredit all, but cannot help but be saddened by the overwhelming amount of those in my own generation who just don’t care about anyone but themselves.

Have you ever just wondered why some people just “don’t get it”? I am sure many have thought that same thought about me before in certain situations, but my point is this; The solution, the stepping stone, the opportunity to do the right thing will be right in front of a person and they simply can’t see it. Or maybe it’s not that they can’t see it. Maybe this is a generation of people who can’t or even won’t fight for what’s right. Won’t work for things that are hard to obtain or simply things that require work.

For many, giving up has been too much of an option in the lives of a generation raised with out “too much pressure.” The American Dream and every man for himself pounded into our minds and hearts. We have options like no generation has ever had. 15 different kinds of bread, 30 different cereals, thousands of different cars, millions of hair styles, millions of careers. In a generation of unlimited options, many have become incapable of satisfaction. Incapable of not wanting the “next best thing.” Ruining their careers, their lives, their families to seek what is the next best thing for them without paying attention to the destruction of those they have left behind. Inevitably ruining their own life and spending the rest of it trying to figure out what went wrong. But unfortunately, many will never realize that they were their own worst enemy. In our world of endless options, they only ever knew how to choose themselves.

Now all we can do is try to find our way back to the righteousness, fullness, and servant’s heart God planned for us and break the cycle of self-destruction. And figure out how. 

How to Be Christ-like to Someone Who Needs a Punch in the Face

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry… easier said than done right? I’ve really been struggling with this idea lately, especially when daily dealing with people with a seeming propensity to make really unfortunate decisions. I often find myself shaking my head and letting it be so as not to offend because I am Christian and “accepting”; taught not to judge and to love everyone. While I often find myself going this route, I also often find myself wondering if this is the “Christian” thing to do at all.  Have we as Christians become so wrapped up in being “loving” and “accepting” that we fail to speak truth? When did we become scared of the truth? Maybe around the same time that we became scared of not receiving acceptance. Its this cycle of acceptance that gets us. We accept everything so that we can be accepted by everyone.

It is not my intention to say that acceptance is futile. Accepting people as they are and loving them as Christ wants us to should be the basis of all of our relationships. But as we grow in relationship, what if we see a friend or family member going down a path or making decisions that will ultimately devastate? Do we sit back and let them “live their life” and stay out of it for fear that they might get mad? Or that we would be seen as unaccommodating or judgmental? Maybe we don’t go the route of a “punch in the face” as this blog title suggests, but what about admonishing a friend with a swift “slap in the face” of truth? Maybe a “hey man, do you really think this is what you should be doing?” or a “You really need to look at what you are doing here.” When I think of my closest friends, these have been the ones who have guided me and told me when I was wrong, even when it hurt; even when I unfortunately may not have listened or gotten upset; when I finally hit rock bottom, I remembered who I should have listened to.

Colossians 3:16

New International Version (NIV)

16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

May we learn the difference between admonishment and judgment and seek to guide our loved ones through the help of Christ and his message. 

When the Pursuit of Happiness Attacks

I will preface this blog with this disclaimer: Just because I am blogging on the subject of marriage does not mean I am having problems with my own. Nor does it make me an expert on marriage, as I have been married for about 5 minutes. I am married, know married people, and am in the process of being able to officiate marriages, so marriage is a topic of interest to me obviously. I am still madly in love with Michael Jordan. SO, with that said…. Here goes. J

I have watched the Tyler Perry movie “Why Did I Get Married?” twice now. I basically stumbled upon it am glad that I did so, as I would probably not have watched it otherwise. It offers such fantastic lessons in marriage and relationships that I utilize even in my own marriage (please note that “Why Did I Get Married Too” was a huge departure from the first one and not really worth much at all).  One such idea was the “80/20” rule. Here is a quote from the movie to explain it:

“In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or woman) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20%, which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT, and believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WA NT. But at reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had. Be careful in deciding what you WANT and NEED in your life. “

It seems to make a lot of sense, especially in correlation with the divorce rate being around 54% and large contributors  being infidelity or “falling in love” with someone else/ “falling out of love” with one’s spouse.  If I could find a statistic on how many extramarital relationships last after the divorce, I would not be surprised if the percentage would be minute.

Doesn’t this 80/20 rule seem to apply to almost all things in life? We are in a culture that is always searching for the next best thing. So, why would we not also apply this rule to our marriages? We are conditioned at a young age to strive for the next best thing. To want MORE. While this is not always bad, has it possibly taught us to never be content? To work for the “next best” instead of working on what we have?  I am astounded as I think about the marriages and relationships around me that have fallen apart for the pursuit of this 20%. I am astounded at the fact that 90% of the people associated with those relationships have refused to work on what was broken; who simply given up (of course, this does not apply in all cases, especially those involving abuse). Many of them just simply don’t know where to start or that there could even be a chance of reconciliation when things seemed so broken.  How do we teach our kids to constantly strive for something better in the things they should, but also to be content and fight for what they have?

The Problem with Pain, Porn, and People

Sometimes I wonder if I am too empathetic. My heart breaks when other people are hurting, almost if its happening to me personally. The pain is overwhelming as I see people being mistreated, abused, used etc… can one be “too” empathetic?

You may be wondering from the title what this has to do with anything, and we will get there. But first we must talk about The Neverending Story. This was my favorite movie as a kid and still holds a special place in my top 10. There is a scene in that movie where the boy warrior Atreyu is forced to face the person that he truly is via looking in a mirror that may make “good men find out they are really evil.” Etc… Atreyu is horrified by what he sees.

I bring this up not just to reference a great scene in a great movie, but because I wonder if many people would see what they expected when forced to face themselves. I also wonder if those who have trouble “coming to God” or facing God are really more scared that God will make them face who they really are. C.S. Lewis states, “ It is safe to say the pure in heart shall see God because only the pure in heart want to.”

 There is no denying that humans have a huge problem with selfishness. Especially in today’s culture. Especially in America. This is why the news is almost unbearable to watch. This is why television and “reality” shows often make me sick to my stomach. This is why the divorce rate in our country is 54%, even amongst Christians.

We live in a culture of every man for himself and immediate gratification. No marriage or relationship in general can survive in such a hostile environment. So where does porn come in? The problem is that porn does not usually come into the conversation of the church. Or in the conversation of marriage counseling. Or the conversation amongst oneself admitting that it could possibly be the problem or a least a huge contributing factor. Porn is killing marriages and wrecking people’s lives. Most churches do a great job at addressing the “sin” of divorce and a great job at sweeping the problem of porn under the rug. Since the internet became one of the largest facets of our lives, Porn has gone from something  in shady back corner shops to something people can look at many times a day. Intimacy is endangered with porn entering into the marriage relationship. Intimacy is one of few things that a couple  shares exclusively within a marriage. It is part of the glue that holds a marriage together. How can a marriage not be pushed to its breaking point when that bond is broken? When intimacy starts existing outside a marriage, it gets polluted. Both people in a marriage experience its effects and the roots of a marriage begin to die.

How do we has a church begin to address whats really there? In her book “How Porn Destroys Lives,” Pamela Paul writes, “There was a 2000 survey that Focus on the Family did that found that 18% of people who call themselves born-again Christians admit to looking at porn sites. A chaplain named Henry Rogers who studies pornography estimates that 40 to 70% of evangelical men say they struggle with pornography.”

 Is it not our duty as the church to help the marriages of our people thrive by addressing what the real issues are? Even if they are shameful and “not appropriate” for our the “conservative Jesus?”  Like Atreyu, it maybe the hardest thing we ever do to look in the mirror of truth, but it is that which will save our people.  

Check out www.xxxchurch.com for more info on the porn issue and accountability. 

Recalculating. Loading Route...

I’ve hit 3 parked cars in my day. The first one was due to being distracted by the little banshees disguised as children I babysat one summer. The second was due to my own inattention. The third, well I refuse to take sole blame for as it was due to the idiocy of pedestrians. While I am fully aware that pedestrians have the right of way, does “right of way” really constitute walking in the middle of the road,  or walking right behind my car as I’m backing out of a parking space? If you see a car coming, wouldn’t your first instinct be to get out of the way? To walk on the grass or god forbid, the sidewalk? Newsflash: In a fight between you and a moving vehicle, the moving vehicle has much better odds.  

Why is it that we sometimes walk straight into oncoming traffic? Why is it so hard to see the impending result and take a new route? As a pastor, I deal with people and their problems on a daily basis and most of the problems have the same theme. What I often hear is something like this: “Why does this keep happening to me? How did this happen again? What do I do? I don’t know how to fix this.” And my answer is usually what no one wants to hear: STOP. Stop what you are doing. Take a new route. Do things differently. STOP going to parties if you always do something stupid. STOP going back to that guy if breaks your heart over and over. STOP getting on the internet alone if you get too tempted. STOP doing illegal things if you don’t want to get arrested. Unfortunately, few head this advice. 

If the definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results., how many of us are insane? I’m sure it is safe to say that all of us have gone insane at some point in our lives.  The Bible says, “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” And we as humans just keep returning back to our vomit for more.  It takes strength to stop. It takes courage to take a new route. We can pray without ceasing for God to help us, but He can’t do much if we refuse to move. If you stand in the middle of the road and don’t move out of the way of the car, expect to get hit. STOP waiting for God to “save you from yourself” and MOVE before you get ran over.  

The Pursuit of Our Children's Happiness

I want to preface this blog post by stating that I am not writing this from the perspective of a parent as I have only been one for about 5 minutes, but rather from the perspective of someone who deals with teens on a daily basis and has been one. ;) With that said, here I go with my OPINION. :)

I was reading an article from The Atlantic recently entitled “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy-Why the obsession with our kid’s happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods.” To sum it up, it is saying our obsession with giving our children the happiest childhood, we are not preparing them for the real world or letting them “grow up” so to speak.

While there were things I agreed with and things I disagreed with in this article, it brings up a subject that, as a youth pastor, I see parents facing with their teens daily. I have even had people ask, “What is WRONG with this generation?” While I don’t think there is something WRONG with the whole generation, nor do I profess to have a true answer, I do think the pursuit of happiness for our children definitely plays a huge role.

The more years I spend in youth ministry, the more I see a theme of “Elitism” emerging in teenagers.  They know what they want, how they want it, when they want it, and think that their parents should deliver it because that is what “parents are for.” Now, many of you may be reading this and saying, “That’s not how my child is” which may be true, or may be what you are telling yourself because the truth is harder.

The more years I spend in youth ministry, the more I also see a theme of parents not wanting to be “too hard” on their kids or not wanting to be a “helicopter parent.” We want to give our children everything we didn’t have and we want to see them light up when we buy them the next best thing or take them on a better vacation than the family down the street got to experience. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better life for our children. Where we go wrong is thinking that wealth, status, and material things measure a “better life”.

I am constantly amazed at the way teens today are allowed to talk to their parents. I often find myself in a situation where I have just witnessed a teenager berate their parent in public and I sit with jaw dropped waiting for the parent to resist the urge to pummel their child as they dole out a punishment. Instead, more often then not, I see the parent simply look defeated and hand over whatever the child was asking for.  I am not far removed from these teens in age, but at 25, I know I am not the only one who came from a household where I would have hated my life had I EVER talked to my parents in that manner.

So the question is not “What is wrong with this generation?” Rather the question seems to be “What is wrong with parenting in this generation?” Are we making life to easy on our kids? Not teaching them to work for things because we are obsessed in preventing them from having to work too hard? Are we creating a whole “Failure to Launch” generation or a generation that we are just setting up to fail on their own?

We are so busy feeding them that they are failing to learn to feed themselves.  I see this also with the coddled Christian in churches that fail to speak truth in order to be as accepting as possible. But that’s a subject for another time.