Lord I Pray I've Had a Life That's Good

Having an infant, two toddlers, a first grader and a teenager in the house is.. do I even have to say? Let's stop at "two toddlers" to catch our breath. I LOVE MY LIFE. I ADORE my kids. But there is only so much poop a person can handle in a day. I sometimes let it get to me. The poop, the messes, someone always crying (sometimes it's me). And there are days I seem to dwell right in that overwhelming spot. I let it overtake me and feel helpless.

Then there are days like today. There was poop. There were messes. There were three kids crying at once. But there was also so much good. My first-grader reading a full page of a book all by himself (Finally). The pride he had when he completed his other assignments without issue. The pure joy on my daughter's face when I got her up from her nap. The wonder my infant son has as he drools absolutely everywhere while he's trying to "talk" to me. When my teenager helps his younger siblines without even being asked and laughs at his own jokes for far too long. Even the moment my stubborn three year old gives in to his time-out and calms down on his own in a moment of success for mommy!

I want to live and breathe these moments. I wish there was a scent I could spray to remind me of these time. One that overwhelms the poop in my life to help me remember that my life is GOOD. No matter how overwhelming life can get, I am so incredibly fortunate and so incredibly loved by these little monsters.

A Life That's Good

Nashville Cast

Sittin' here tonight
By the fire light
It reminds me I already have
More than I should

I don't need fame
No one to know my name
At the end of the day, Lord I pray
I have a life that's good

Two arms around me
Heaven to ground me
And a family that always calls me home

Four wheels to get there
Enough love to share
And a sweet, sweet, sweet song

At the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good

Sometimes I'm hard on me
When dreams don't come easy
I wanna look back and say
I did all that I could

Yeah at the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good

Two arms around me
Heaven to ground me
And a family that always calls me home

Four wheels to get there
Enough love to share
And a sweet, sweet, sweet song

At the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good

At the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that's good

The Bottom of the Well

Almost three years ago life came crumbling down on me. Everything I had worked for, studied for, put my identity in was gone. I parted ways with my career, lost my Granny, and felt a shell of a person. I was broken.

It was not until recently that I realized I never really pulled myself completely out of that well.  I just let life overtake me. I thought since I could see the light, I was ok, but I was far from ok. 2014 feels like a blur of memories. Life moved on, but it seemed to be doing so around me instead of with mre. 2015 brought the birth and sudden adoption of our daughter, which was a fight in and of itself, but certainly one of the most joyous times of my life. Though even in that joy, I was still struggling to find out who I was outside of ministry. Who I was outside of the community I used to be a part of. Who was I other than wife and mother? 2016 is when I finally began to move towards the top of the well.

I started focusing on the things I could control in the moment. What people, things, activities helped me feel more like “me”? I joined MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) for community, the YMCA for wellness, and started figuring out ways to spend more time with myself. That may seem silly to some, but when you have four little bodies tugging at you all day and a teenager that MUST tell you the inner workings of his mind at 20,000 words a minute, a moment to yourself is all between you and a padded room.

I started to come to the realization that my career never defined me. I loved the time I spent as a Youth Pastor and in other ministries. I will always hold those positions dear, but ministry was becoming my undoing. I was shackled to something that was no longer my calling. I was holding so dearly and pridefully to a title instead of figuring out who I was at the bottom of the well. Who am I with nothing? Who is Lita? I am mom. I am wife. But I am MORE. I am ME.

I do eventually hope to be back in ministry, but I will go in more mature, more ready. This newest chapter of life still is largely about being a wife and a mother, but also about being a writer, an advocate, a person with something to say. I pray this chapter is also marked with health, happiness, and a continual flow of learning more of me.

Have you ever THOUGHT you were ok, only to realize that you never really healed? Are you at the bottom of a well? Do you even recognize it? Have you taken the time to look around? I encourage you to take an inventory of self and see where you stand. Look into the literal and figurative mirror and make sure you see YOU. Join a community or a gym with childcare and sit in the sauna to have a moment's peace (guilty, sorry not sorry). Write again. Sing more. Put down your phone and take your coffee outside. Pick back up what you had to lay down when life became too much.

Goodbye and Good Riddance 2014

I've been holding off writing this blog until the right time. What makes this the right time, I am unsure of. Is it the New Year? A certain amount of time passing by? Who knows. All that I am sure of is that my soul and heart have been prompting me to be vulnerable in an effort for family and friends to gain some insight into our lives, but more so in the hope that maybe someone reading this who is going through something similar will feel less alone. That they will be encouraged and feel a sense of hope. That someone who has not yet gone through what we have this past year will remember this and possibly hold onto some sort of wisdom or realize that they are way better at handling life than that Lita girl (ha).

2014 was…. well… pretty freaking awful.  But we are Jordans. We take things as they come and have been through the ringer before. But this year threw us for a loop. In the beginning of 2014, Mike and I began to notice that our middle son Elliot, 2 ½ at the time, was struggling in a few areas including speech and anxiety. We tried to let the “phase” pass, but something in my mama soul knew something was not right. We were referred to a Pediatric Specialist at Cincinnati Children’s for various evaluations. While his speech was measured on the low end of average, we began quite the journey in occupational therapy.

Elliot began intense every week occupational therapy that we have been in for over 6 months now. There we learned that Elliot struggles with what some call Sensory Processing Disorder. In laymen’s terms, all of his senses are heightened to the point that it often causes extreme anxiety. Too many sounds, too many visuals, certain textures and ways one might touch him can cause a meltdown. For example, haircuts are a nightmare. The process, feeling, hair hitting him, sound of scissors or clippers, etc… cause him so much anxiety he has gotten hives and thrown up multiple times. Some may see this disorder within the autism spectrum, though this is stand alone for Elliot and not related to any form of autism. 

Through this process, I have personally discovered that a lot of his issues are things that I have struggled with all my life but have called anxiety. It has been quite the learning experience for all of us! While therapy to this point has worked wonders, we will continue in this for a while to teach him to cope with these issues and find tools to relax when the environment around him becomes too much. With this therapy, he should be able to gain enough tools to allow him to develop normally and in a sense, “grow out” of many of the issues with immersion and practice. He will always feel anxiety with some things, but he will learn to deal with it.

In the process of this therapy, we have now revisited the issue of speech. While he talks A LOT and says completely ridiculous, hilarious things that keep us on our toes, he continues to struggle with expressing his needs, emotions, and socially interacting with his peers. A recent reevaluation has shown that Elliot has a Speech and Reception Delay. This, in laymen’s terms, means that Elliot will need some help to develop his speech, but also that us along with the doctors are struggling to understand exactly why certain information is not processing for Elliot. For instance, while Elliot knows and can verbalize his letters, numbers, and colors he cannot pick these out. He is able to match colors but he cannot identify his colors in a lineup if you will. He can name objects on any flashcard but letters, numbers, and colors might as well be Greek. The doctors are hoping that this is an issue related to speech and will develop with therapy, but are unsure at this point. His speech is only a tiny bit below average, so we are hopeful that this too will resolve in time, but it means bi-weekly therapy and weekly intervention for an unknown amount of time.

With all of that, I feel incredibly privileged to be Elliot’s mom and to have a healthy child. While all of this has been scary and exhausting, it is nothing compared to what many mothers have gone through with their children. Elliot is such a sensitive and loving soul. He cares deeply for everyone and feels with his whole heart. While I love this about him, I also hurt for him. I know how feeling deeply can cause deep pain and feelings of rejection. I struggle as a mother at the thought of that kind of pain touching him. Of anything that would change that sweet sensitive soul he has had from the beginning. He is my whole heart, just like all of my children are and I simply want him to be OK. Whole. Him. Does that make sense?

The second half of our year dealt with my mother and Granny losing their home. While we do not need to revisit the details of all that entailed, it was tragic and unnecessary. They were swindled not once but twice by Apartment Complexes taking advantage of the elderly. Soon after, Granny began struggling with her health. We found out on a Wednesday that she had a mass in her lung. While we struggled with the news, Granny has always been a fighter so I assured her that is exactly what we would do. By Sunday, she was struggling to breathe and was admitted. I do not desire to rehash for myself or my family all that unfolded next, but nothing about her passing that Monday afternoon was ok. Nothing about it was peaceful. Nothing about it was just or right or “her time.” The issues with the hospital, the staff, the things that unfolded that day have been addressed, but one really cannot find closure for an experience resulting in that kind of immense loss. It was the worst experience I have had in my entire life and I would not wish it on anyone.

Shortly before Granny’s passing, as many of you know, I parted ways with the church I had been employed with for two years. I do not for a second regret the lives that we were so privileged to engage with and many of the people who invested so generously in the lives of the youth and the children, and even the life of our family. There are various versions circling about the reason for our departure. All that really matters in regards to reasoning was that Mike and I have a vision for ministry that is and always has been about spreading the gospel to those who seem untouchable. Those in the gutter. Those who others might not find approachable. The hurting. The sick. The broken. Anytime we find ourselves in a place where we can no longer hold true to that vision and calling, it is time to move on. It was made evident that it was time to move on and hastily. We regret anyone who may have been hurt by our swift departure, but our family needed to get out of that situation well before we departed. But we ignored our hearts for the sake of all of the people in our lives who it might affect.

So where are we now? The Jordans have entered 2015 with a clean slate. We lost so much in 2014 but gained our lives back. God knocked us off our feet to open our eyes and make us change. We enter 2015 refreshed and hopeful for an amazing year filled with family, friends, new ministry opportunities, and a chance for our family to breathe. While I cannot imagine a time that I will heal from the loss of my Granny or the events that occurred, I do know that God is good and my family and friends are indescribably amazing. 

Though we have not moved on to our next full-time ministry opportunity, this has been intentional. Not only do we need a chance to heal from the brokenness and back side of the church we've had the unfortunate displeasure of experiencing, I need a chance to just be with my family. Someone pointed out that I have been in ministry for my entire adult life. Our family has not known vacations or time together that was not another “event.” My boys, nor my husband have experienced church and fellowship in a place that I do not work. We need that right now. We are all so thirsty to be a part of something where we are being nurtured and we have been missing that for too long. You do not realize how oppressed and empty you feel until you nor see how much your family needs to make a move until you do it. My family needs this time and so we are taking it until we find that place where we can feel supported, nurtured, and where our family can remain a priority for us. While we are definitely remaining in ministry and involved, we will make sure to remain open to God’s leading for our next adventure into vocational ministry.

2015 , thus far, finds the Jordan’s healthy and happy in all areas. I cannot express to you how incredibly in love and in awe I am of my husband and how much JOY my heart holds at the smile and laughter of my children. We have an intensely amazing family and unfathomable friend base who will always be family in our hearts. While we don’t know what 2015 holds, I pray that it holds the joy, growth, happiness, and memories that we hope to continue to experience this year!

The Hunger Games and Getting Back to "Me"

I’ll sleep when I die. There are 24 usable hours in everyday. Coffee. Coffee. More Coffee.

This can pretty accurately describe my 20’s up until this point. People often joke about how little sleep they get and give the impression that they are thriving in this culture of staying up late and working till they drop. I thrived in this. But now? Now I have a little lesson in a bundle of hunger named Owen Dominic.

Our newest bundle of joy is much like our 2 year old was as a baby. Great sleeper. Pretty content unless he is hungry. But the difference is that Owen is seemingly ALWAYS hungry. We have upped his formula, burped him, held him, fed him more often, prayed that the good Lord would calm this bottomless pit of a baby so that Mommy can get some sleep.

There have been days lately where I feel like I am not in my body. My 2 year old needs milk NOW and Team Umizoomi before he has a meltdown. My 13 year old needs help figuring out how to do his homework without him actually having to do his homework. My husband needs 30 cookies and peanut butter fudge by 7am tomorrow. I have 15 emails and 6 facebook notifications relating to work that need answered yesterday. It’s that feeling when you walk from one room to the next and, for a moment, don’t remember where you just came from. The girl who once lived for the night now just lives for a good night’s sleep and a place to hide. I am tired. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually.

 I sit here writing this at 1 am in the company of my beautiful baby boy, pondering where this concept of “me” has gone. I have begun to realize that not only have I given up my sleep for my little ones, but I have given up a lot of myself. Now don’t get me wrong: I love my boys with all of my heart, every single ounce of my being. I have heard the phrase, “I would give my life for my family,” many times and relate to the sentiment, but have usually visualized this in my head as myself taking a bullet or stepping in front of a bus for one of them or some other life threatening event that will likely never occur for me to prove myself. But in moving from two kids to three, going into my 28^th year of life, I have realized that I HAVE given my life for my boys. Every part of me has become them.

My wonderful husband prompted me a few weeks ago to go have some “me” time. So I went grocery shopping. Yep. Grocery Shopping. Because I am 400 years old. When I got back, he was almost angered and exclaimed that grocery shopping was not “me” time. I asked him to provide me with a firm definition next time. I assure you that grocery shopping is not my idea of a good time, but I had no clue what “me” time looked like anymore.

What IS my “idea of a good time?” What do I even like to “do for fun” anymore? What is this fun you speak of? “Me” was my boys. IS my boys. They are my life. My idea of a good time is being with them. Making sure they are happy. They are my joy. They are all of me. But this, mommies everywhere, THIS is not healthy. THIS is not ok. THIS is the beginning of a million tragic stories of resentment, depression, and loneliness.

My husband, in his infinite “me” time wisdom, pointed out that I used to write and that I was really good at it at one point. That I used to sing. I played guitar. I used to lead worship. I had people that actually asked, sometimes even paid me to do all of these things!  I used to just go to Starbucks, (not just for my coffee addiction contrary to popular belief) just to read, spend time with God and be inspired in these creative avenues. I can’t remember the last time I wrote. I can’t remember the last time I sang. I work in ministry and cannot remember the last time I’ve even been in worship, more less been a part of leading it.

My boys need me. And I need them. My heart is filled by their joy and the meeting of their needs. As we speak, Mr. Owen Dominic is chewing frantically on his hand, looking at me as if to say, “Fix me, woman!” My boys will always need me. It is ok for me to love them and want to be with them and even be considered a devoted wife and mother. But that cannot be ALL that I am. I am a good mom. I am a good wife. A lot of the time, I am great at both of these things. But my boys need ME. Not a reflection of their needs and wants. They need the me who is whole. The me that is fulfilled in the areas of my life that make me who I am. They need a mom who writes, sings, smiles, and meets with God daily. My husband needs a wife whose confidence radiates and whose smile allows him to feel comfort that he is a good spouse and remind him of the woman he fell in love with and why he chose me. So this year, I resolve to get back to “me.” To do the things that make me who I am. I will still give of myself to my family, but I first must make sure that I have enough “me” to give and still be fulfilled.  Starting with writing this entry and then I will resolve to stay true to my word. That, and feed this baby. And have a nap. J

Missing the Bus

We live in a culture that is ridiculously busy. We often talk about how much overtime we

have or how hard we work with pride in our voice and smugness in our demeanor. With this, we pass this “work ethic” onto our children and ultimately teach them to do as much as possible. Some pass this off as teaching their children a good “work ethic” when in truth, I fear that we are teaching our children that success is characterized by how busy a person can become.

 Education is a priority and eating your vegetables is a priority. Providing for your family is a priority. We teach our kids that team practices and games are a priority so as to teach them dedication. Where does God fit in all of this? I do not mention all of this in order to demonize sports or jobs, but to glorify the use of moderation and priority.

 In youth group, we have been talking about Authentic Faith: If you believe that God really is the Son of God and really died on the cross for your sins which separate you from Him, how could you NOT have an evident change in your life and be telling everyone you know this news? Many of our students had their eyes opened and began to question what their life reflected. This also sparked questions of my own faith and the curiosity of how adult congregants would react given this question.

The famed magician and professed atheist Penn Jilette has questioned the authenticity of the Christian faith by stating, “If you believe there is a heaven and hell, and you think it’s not worth telling someone about it, how much do you have to hate him to not proselytize (evangelize)? To believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell people? If you knew someone was going to get hit by a bus, would you not do everything you could to push them out of the way?” Amen Penn. This quote hit me like a ton of bricks. Especially as a parent. I love my kids more than life itself. I want them to succeed and I want to keep them safe. I want them to have a relationship with God, give their whole heart to God, and to grow up to teach their families the same. Where I falter is in wondering if I am giving my whole heart in showing them authentic faith. Am I placing priority on their spiritual health?

In all of the busyness, are we fitting God into the core values of our families or have we become so busy teaching our children to be busy? If I saw a bus headed in Noah or Elliot’s direction I would not simply yell out, “Hey, you might want to watch out for that bus.” I would lay my life down for my sons. I would do everything possible to get them to safety.

For my boys, I want to teach them to take the time to rest; that family devotional time is a priority. I want to instill that the time we take together to unplug and thank God for the blessings He has given is the most important part of our day. When Noah, my 12 year old, wakes in the morning for school, he does not have an option to not go to school unless he is sick. When he is sick, I take him to the doctor because I love him and want him healthy. When it is Sunday morning and it is time for church and Sunday night and time for youth group, Noah does not have the option to not go, nor will he or Elliot ever have this option, because I love them and I want people to sow into their life and teach them their wisdom when it comes to doing life with God as the lead.

 Though many may struggle to hear this message, call me a “helicopter parent,” it is one that I find so important to address for the sake of all parents. Are we truly instilling in our children that we believe in God the way that we say we do? That we believe God is the most important part of their life and for that, we would lay our life down to show them this kind of faith?

Scripture: 1 Kings 19:11-13

Why I'm Still Eating Oreos and Chick-Fil-A

A few weeks back, Oreo came out with a graphic of an Oreowith rainbow colored layers, representing that they supported gay marriage.Recently, Chick-Fil-A owner Dan Cathy has been in hot water for publiclyaddressing that his company supports the “biblical marriage unit” i.e. man andwoman. So as expected, many leftists began boycotting Oreo and many rightwingers vowed to never eat Chick-Fil-A again. Where do I stand? I’m off in thecorner, boycotting the boycots, and eating all the Oreos and Chicken sandwiches.

Believer or non-believer, most of you reading this blog livein the United States.

While the U.S.has it’s problems, there is a beauty in the amount of freedom that we have beenblessed with. We are free to speak our mind, to hold beliefs, or to not believein anything if we so choose. Freedom is a fantastic benefit of being anAmerican. What baffles me and irritates me to the core is that we can claim tobe a country that fights for our freedom of speech, freedom to hold certainvalues, and freedom to believe whatever we want, yet we often will attackwhoever doesn’t believe the way in which we want them to.

When Oreo came out with their rainbow graphic, some in theChristian world decided that it was not o.k. for this company to voice theirbeliefs, resulting in a lot of hateful statements and the boycotting ofOreo/Nabisco. I, however, did not see any problem with this statement. Theywere standing for what they believed and just stating what they value. They didnot come out and say that they were against “straight marriage” or that theywould no longer hire straight people at their company. Nor did they say thatthey would no longer be making Oreos for straight people (which would have beendevastating as Oreos are DELICIOUS).

When Dan Cathy stated this week that his company supportsthe “biblical representation of marriage,” the internet blew up with talk ofboycotts and the disgust of Cathy’s “hate and discrimination.” I made sure toread all of Dan Cathy’s interview and am not sure where he is beingdiscriminatory or hateful. His company, like Oreo/Nabisco, holds a value to betrue for them. At no time did they state that they would not serve, hire, oraccept homosexual people in their restaurants. In fact, Chick-Fil-A states, “The Chick-Fil-A culture and service tradition in our restaurants is to treatevery person with honor, dignity, and respect—regardless of their belief, race,creed, sexual orientation or gender.” That sounds like a tradition anyone couldbe a part of and one that I personally can support. A policy of loving everyoneand treating them with the respect and dignity that everyone, Christian or not,deserves.

So we can condemn Oreo for making a bold statement and wecould condemn Dan Cathy for holding a value that is not popular. Or we can beblessed to live in a country where we can embrace our differences, be free tobelieve what we want, and still love the other side in the process. If lovingyour neighbor even though they don’t agree with you is not something you can geton board with, well, more Oreos and Chick-Fil-A for me.

If you are interested in more info on Oreo of Chick-Fil-A join the conversation on Facebook:

Facebook.com/chickfila
Facebook.com/chickfila
Facebook.com/Oreo

Fifty Shades of Magic Mike

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the past six months, you have certainly had a conversation or heard a conversation or seen a facebook post concerning the Magic Mike/Fifty Shades of Grey fanaticism. What you may not have seen or heard is a post or conversation that is not ignoring the reality of this phenomenon.  Though I am positive I am going to take a lot of heat for this blog, I…. well, I will take one for the team. I am not sure which team this is as we have so far been a small and silent group. So here goes.

AM I THE ONLY ONE IGNORING THE FACT THAT FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS GIRL PORN? I won’t apologize for yelling. That deserved some caps. I haven’t been able to go a day lately without hearing or seeing reference about Christian Grey, but in none of that have I seen a realistic comment about the nature of this literature. I am not talking about this from a minister’s perspective necessarily, (Though I am shocked at the number of Christian women on this bandwagon) but from the lense of someone who is in a happy and committed relationship.

I will be the first to admit that when I was single, I referred to Channing Tatum as Channing “Imsofreakinghott” Tatum and as a show of God’s good works. ( I was young and hilarious and single and let’s face it, he is attractive). While this may be a good point, how would you ladies react if you husband or boyfriend got tickets in advance, went on and on about, and planned to go see on opening night a movie about strippers? Maybe you’re cool with that. To each her own. I however would feel a little angry but more hurt emotionally and in my confidence.

If your husband or boyfriend came home with a book the equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, read it, commented about it on facebook, talked about it, would you be ok with that? I would be again hurt and disgusted. There would be a lot of emotional issues going on in relationships if the coin was flipped.

So I ask you, if you are someone who has read or thought about reading this book, is it worth it? Is your significant other being truthful about how they feel about it? Have you thought about how it might make them feel even if they would never tell you? (I am shocked about how many parents are unknowingly letting their teens read this “Best Selling novel” and how many teenagers I know personally who are currently reading this series).

I surveyed a few men in committed relationships for this blog, and each one commented that they would feel like junk and a few who do feel inadequate because their girlfriend or wife has joined this craze. But the catch is few have talked to their significant other about it because they don’t want to seem “like a girl” or childish about caring.

I wrote a blog a few months back about the problem with porn in marriages. It seems that Fifty Shades has crept in, a pornographic work, disguised as a novel, and for that it is socially acceptable. For me, in my opinion, there is a lot of damage that this could do to relationships in the same way that internet porn has ruined many lives.

My challenge and point? Think twice before doing what everyone else is doing just because society says it is ok to take part. Think about your man or your future man. Everything is permissible but not all things are beneficial.

Ignorance is in the Eye of the Beholder

I am ultra frustrated today. I feel like I can't even concentrate on life. I don't know why I even log on Facebook. I love staying in touch with college friends, love that our lives can be connected. What I hate is that every other post lately is politically motivated or another post calling me ignorant because I believe in God. Let me unpack this for you so you understand and so I bury my urge to throw my computer off a balcony.

This is not a post about what I think about gay marriage. I will say that I think divorce is ruining the sanctity of marriage and maybe we should put a little attention on how we accept that as a church, but I digress. This is not about my opinion. But it is about the fact that I am entitled to one. As an American, as a human being, and even as a Christian, I am entitled to opinion. I am entitled to belief. Just as all who are a different religion or hold no spiritual belief at all, are entitled to an opinion. It is a beautiful thing. But I find myself being labeled ignorant by others and "judgemental" for holding any beliefs unless it is the one that is popular. What is ignorant is posting Bible verses from the old testament out of context to attack Christianity. (Jesus came to fulfill the law. So you are right, I'm not going to hell for eating shellfish or wearing two types of material. Thank you for educating me). What is judgemental is telling me I cannot have an opinion or a belief because it is not yours. What is ignorant is Christians posting hate fueled comments and using the Bible to  try and excuse it. What is judgemental is attacking others for holding a view you think is wrong. Whats ridiculous is taking scripture and using it to make it say what you want to say and not what it was meant for because you wish it was the popular view.

What is absolutely IGNORANT,IMMATURE, RIDICULOUS, is using Facebook to be a coward and tell anyone that they are not allowed to believe anything that you don't want them to. We were all made with the inherent desire to believe something. SO you have your belief, I will have mine. We can love one another, give to Caesar what is Caesar's and you and I can have an adult conversation in person if you are concerned that my belief is not correct.

Deep Breaths

Today is one of those days where my prayer to God is, "Please just give me something. A sign. A piece of good news. Something." We all have those days now and again. There is not a whole lot really extremely dramatic going on, but sometimes the worst of times seem to be when there are a lot of little things going on that by themselves seem to be insignificant, but together can tear a person down. This would be the perfect time for a vacation. But who has the time or the money? Certainly not with all of these things weighing down on me currently.


A vacation would be running from my problems, I know, but sometimes it seems like the most enticing option. Is running from our problems really all that wrong? I know never dealing with something is not productive, but what about just getting away from them for a while? I don't see the harm in that. Sometimes it takes stepping back from a problem for a while in order to really have the right perspective to see its solution.


I wonder the value in being taught to face our problems head on and tackle them as soon as they arise. Is this what God intended? The mental health market in the U.S.is absolutely insane (pun intended) right now, largely due with people needing an immediate fix to their problems.(Not saying there is not value in psychiatric help of those who need it). We are taught to deal with it and deal with it now. This verse highlights a little of what I mean:


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
Is essence, is Christ not telling us to rely on him and that he wants to give us rest? I am well aware that we have to do our part in mending the problems in our lives, but I also believe there is value in rest. The Bible goes on and on about rest and how it has tremendous value in our lives. Maybe sometimes we just need to let problems be and stop trying to fix everything on our own.


"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34


So for the problems I have going on right now, I am taking a moment. Taking time to find out the direction in which God wants to lead me in these areas. Relying on God because that should be the first action taken in any problem. Because today has problems, tomorrow will have problems. People will be human and ruin your day. So take a breath, rest in God, and gain a new perspective. And if anyone wants to take me on vacation to somewhere tropical, my bags are packed. ;)

Self-Destructive Generation

This blog is kind of heavy, but I don't claim to have all the answers and figure I can share with you all what's heavy on my heart currently. 

I am struggling.  Struggling in the battle against my want to be accepting and my desire for what is right. Struggling to decide what to choose in the choice between letting things out of my control just “be” or refusing to accept reality. God has called me to love and I try to do that without restraint, but love is not always that easy when it comes to loving in situations of endemic selfishness and injustice.

It seems that the older I get, the more I become aware and overwhelmed by the injustice and apathy occurring around me, so much so that it makes me sick to think about. I am not sure if this realization is a product of wisdom or more one of the growing disease of selfishness that is plaguing the current 20-30 something generation. Myself being in this generation, do not intend to discredit all, but cannot help but be saddened by the overwhelming amount of those in my own generation who just don’t care about anyone but themselves.

Have you ever just wondered why some people just “don’t get it”? I am sure many have thought that same thought about me before in certain situations, but my point is this; The solution, the stepping stone, the opportunity to do the right thing will be right in front of a person and they simply can’t see it. Or maybe it’s not that they can’t see it. Maybe this is a generation of people who can’t or even won’t fight for what’s right. Won’t work for things that are hard to obtain or simply things that require work.

For many, giving up has been too much of an option in the lives of a generation raised with out “too much pressure.” The American Dream and every man for himself pounded into our minds and hearts. We have options like no generation has ever had. 15 different kinds of bread, 30 different cereals, thousands of different cars, millions of hair styles, millions of careers. In a generation of unlimited options, many have become incapable of satisfaction. Incapable of not wanting the “next best thing.” Ruining their careers, their lives, their families to seek what is the next best thing for them without paying attention to the destruction of those they have left behind. Inevitably ruining their own life and spending the rest of it trying to figure out what went wrong. But unfortunately, many will never realize that they were their own worst enemy. In our world of endless options, they only ever knew how to choose themselves.

Now all we can do is try to find our way back to the righteousness, fullness, and servant’s heart God planned for us and break the cycle of self-destruction. And figure out how. 

How to Be Christ-like to Someone Who Needs a Punch in the Face

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry… easier said than done right? I’ve really been struggling with this idea lately, especially when daily dealing with people with a seeming propensity to make really unfortunate decisions. I often find myself shaking my head and letting it be so as not to offend because I am Christian and “accepting”; taught not to judge and to love everyone. While I often find myself going this route, I also often find myself wondering if this is the “Christian” thing to do at all.  Have we as Christians become so wrapped up in being “loving” and “accepting” that we fail to speak truth? When did we become scared of the truth? Maybe around the same time that we became scared of not receiving acceptance. Its this cycle of acceptance that gets us. We accept everything so that we can be accepted by everyone.

It is not my intention to say that acceptance is futile. Accepting people as they are and loving them as Christ wants us to should be the basis of all of our relationships. But as we grow in relationship, what if we see a friend or family member going down a path or making decisions that will ultimately devastate? Do we sit back and let them “live their life” and stay out of it for fear that they might get mad? Or that we would be seen as unaccommodating or judgmental? Maybe we don’t go the route of a “punch in the face” as this blog title suggests, but what about admonishing a friend with a swift “slap in the face” of truth? Maybe a “hey man, do you really think this is what you should be doing?” or a “You really need to look at what you are doing here.” When I think of my closest friends, these have been the ones who have guided me and told me when I was wrong, even when it hurt; even when I unfortunately may not have listened or gotten upset; when I finally hit rock bottom, I remembered who I should have listened to.

Colossians 3:16

New International Version (NIV)

16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

May we learn the difference between admonishment and judgment and seek to guide our loved ones through the help of Christ and his message. 

When the Pursuit of Happiness Attacks

I will preface this blog with this disclaimer: Just because I am blogging on the subject of marriage does not mean I am having problems with my own. Nor does it make me an expert on marriage, as I have been married for about 5 minutes. I am married, know married people, and am in the process of being able to officiate marriages, so marriage is a topic of interest to me obviously. I am still madly in love with Michael Jordan. SO, with that said…. Here goes. J

I have watched the Tyler Perry movie “Why Did I Get Married?” twice now. I basically stumbled upon it am glad that I did so, as I would probably not have watched it otherwise. It offers such fantastic lessons in marriage and relationships that I utilize even in my own marriage (please note that “Why Did I Get Married Too” was a huge departure from the first one and not really worth much at all).  One such idea was the “80/20” rule. Here is a quote from the movie to explain it:

“In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or woman) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20%, which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT, and believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WA NT. But at reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had. Be careful in deciding what you WANT and NEED in your life. “

It seems to make a lot of sense, especially in correlation with the divorce rate being around 54% and large contributors  being infidelity or “falling in love” with someone else/ “falling out of love” with one’s spouse.  If I could find a statistic on how many extramarital relationships last after the divorce, I would not be surprised if the percentage would be minute.

Doesn’t this 80/20 rule seem to apply to almost all things in life? We are in a culture that is always searching for the next best thing. So, why would we not also apply this rule to our marriages? We are conditioned at a young age to strive for the next best thing. To want MORE. While this is not always bad, has it possibly taught us to never be content? To work for the “next best” instead of working on what we have?  I am astounded as I think about the marriages and relationships around me that have fallen apart for the pursuit of this 20%. I am astounded at the fact that 90% of the people associated with those relationships have refused to work on what was broken; who simply given up (of course, this does not apply in all cases, especially those involving abuse). Many of them just simply don’t know where to start or that there could even be a chance of reconciliation when things seemed so broken.  How do we teach our kids to constantly strive for something better in the things they should, but also to be content and fight for what they have?

The Problem with Pain, Porn, and People

Sometimes I wonder if I am too empathetic. My heart breaks when other people are hurting, almost if its happening to me personally. The pain is overwhelming as I see people being mistreated, abused, used etc… can one be “too” empathetic?

You may be wondering from the title what this has to do with anything, and we will get there. But first we must talk about The Neverending Story. This was my favorite movie as a kid and still holds a special place in my top 10. There is a scene in that movie where the boy warrior Atreyu is forced to face the person that he truly is via looking in a mirror that may make “good men find out they are really evil.” Etc… Atreyu is horrified by what he sees.

I bring this up not just to reference a great scene in a great movie, but because I wonder if many people would see what they expected when forced to face themselves. I also wonder if those who have trouble “coming to God” or facing God are really more scared that God will make them face who they really are. C.S. Lewis states, “ It is safe to say the pure in heart shall see God because only the pure in heart want to.”

 There is no denying that humans have a huge problem with selfishness. Especially in today’s culture. Especially in America. This is why the news is almost unbearable to watch. This is why television and “reality” shows often make me sick to my stomach. This is why the divorce rate in our country is 54%, even amongst Christians.

We live in a culture of every man for himself and immediate gratification. No marriage or relationship in general can survive in such a hostile environment. So where does porn come in? The problem is that porn does not usually come into the conversation of the church. Or in the conversation of marriage counseling. Or the conversation amongst oneself admitting that it could possibly be the problem or a least a huge contributing factor. Porn is killing marriages and wrecking people’s lives. Most churches do a great job at addressing the “sin” of divorce and a great job at sweeping the problem of porn under the rug. Since the internet became one of the largest facets of our lives, Porn has gone from something  in shady back corner shops to something people can look at many times a day. Intimacy is endangered with porn entering into the marriage relationship. Intimacy is one of few things that a couple  shares exclusively within a marriage. It is part of the glue that holds a marriage together. How can a marriage not be pushed to its breaking point when that bond is broken? When intimacy starts existing outside a marriage, it gets polluted. Both people in a marriage experience its effects and the roots of a marriage begin to die.

How do we has a church begin to address whats really there? In her book “How Porn Destroys Lives,” Pamela Paul writes, “There was a 2000 survey that Focus on the Family did that found that 18% of people who call themselves born-again Christians admit to looking at porn sites. A chaplain named Henry Rogers who studies pornography estimates that 40 to 70% of evangelical men say they struggle with pornography.”

 Is it not our duty as the church to help the marriages of our people thrive by addressing what the real issues are? Even if they are shameful and “not appropriate” for our the “conservative Jesus?”  Like Atreyu, it maybe the hardest thing we ever do to look in the mirror of truth, but it is that which will save our people.  

Check out www.xxxchurch.com for more info on the porn issue and accountability. 

Recalculating. Loading Route...

I’ve hit 3 parked cars in my day. The first one was due to being distracted by the little banshees disguised as children I babysat one summer. The second was due to my own inattention. The third, well I refuse to take sole blame for as it was due to the idiocy of pedestrians. While I am fully aware that pedestrians have the right of way, does “right of way” really constitute walking in the middle of the road,  or walking right behind my car as I’m backing out of a parking space? If you see a car coming, wouldn’t your first instinct be to get out of the way? To walk on the grass or god forbid, the sidewalk? Newsflash: In a fight between you and a moving vehicle, the moving vehicle has much better odds.  

Why is it that we sometimes walk straight into oncoming traffic? Why is it so hard to see the impending result and take a new route? As a pastor, I deal with people and their problems on a daily basis and most of the problems have the same theme. What I often hear is something like this: “Why does this keep happening to me? How did this happen again? What do I do? I don’t know how to fix this.” And my answer is usually what no one wants to hear: STOP. Stop what you are doing. Take a new route. Do things differently. STOP going to parties if you always do something stupid. STOP going back to that guy if breaks your heart over and over. STOP getting on the internet alone if you get too tempted. STOP doing illegal things if you don’t want to get arrested. Unfortunately, few head this advice. 

If the definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results., how many of us are insane? I’m sure it is safe to say that all of us have gone insane at some point in our lives.  The Bible says, “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” And we as humans just keep returning back to our vomit for more.  It takes strength to stop. It takes courage to take a new route. We can pray without ceasing for God to help us, but He can’t do much if we refuse to move. If you stand in the middle of the road and don’t move out of the way of the car, expect to get hit. STOP waiting for God to “save you from yourself” and MOVE before you get ran over.  

The Pursuit of Our Children's Happiness

I want to preface this blog post by stating that I am not writing this from the perspective of a parent as I have only been one for about 5 minutes, but rather from the perspective of someone who deals with teens on a daily basis and has been one. ;) With that said, here I go with my OPINION. :)

I was reading an article from The Atlantic recently entitled “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy-Why the obsession with our kid’s happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods.” To sum it up, it is saying our obsession with giving our children the happiest childhood, we are not preparing them for the real world or letting them “grow up” so to speak.

While there were things I agreed with and things I disagreed with in this article, it brings up a subject that, as a youth pastor, I see parents facing with their teens daily. I have even had people ask, “What is WRONG with this generation?” While I don’t think there is something WRONG with the whole generation, nor do I profess to have a true answer, I do think the pursuit of happiness for our children definitely plays a huge role.

The more years I spend in youth ministry, the more I see a theme of “Elitism” emerging in teenagers.  They know what they want, how they want it, when they want it, and think that their parents should deliver it because that is what “parents are for.” Now, many of you may be reading this and saying, “That’s not how my child is” which may be true, or may be what you are telling yourself because the truth is harder.

The more years I spend in youth ministry, the more I also see a theme of parents not wanting to be “too hard” on their kids or not wanting to be a “helicopter parent.” We want to give our children everything we didn’t have and we want to see them light up when we buy them the next best thing or take them on a better vacation than the family down the street got to experience. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better life for our children. Where we go wrong is thinking that wealth, status, and material things measure a “better life”.

I am constantly amazed at the way teens today are allowed to talk to their parents. I often find myself in a situation where I have just witnessed a teenager berate their parent in public and I sit with jaw dropped waiting for the parent to resist the urge to pummel their child as they dole out a punishment. Instead, more often then not, I see the parent simply look defeated and hand over whatever the child was asking for.  I am not far removed from these teens in age, but at 25, I know I am not the only one who came from a household where I would have hated my life had I EVER talked to my parents in that manner.

So the question is not “What is wrong with this generation?” Rather the question seems to be “What is wrong with parenting in this generation?” Are we making life to easy on our kids? Not teaching them to work for things because we are obsessed in preventing them from having to work too hard? Are we creating a whole “Failure to Launch” generation or a generation that we are just setting up to fail on their own?

We are so busy feeding them that they are failing to learn to feed themselves.  I see this also with the coddled Christian in churches that fail to speak truth in order to be as accepting as possible. But that’s a subject for another time.